Tuesday, February 5, 2013

revelations

Last night (like always) I asked Grahm if we could play the massage game.

It's our nifty little creation that we (okay, just me) like to play where I massage him for 3 minutes, and he massages me for 30. For my Barnacle Bill back, there's nothing better than getting a rub-a-dub-dub while planking on my comfy mattress. I was especially needing some TLC last night from my ten-mile run, my bloody toes, and---did I mention?---the ginormous food baby I birthed last night. (Samoas you are the father!)
Well lo and behold, last night Grahm did not want to play our my game.
He gave me this look:
"Really, babe? I'm tired. Let me go to sleep."
"But it's almost Valentine's Day! Love me! These knots aren't going to unpretzel themselves."
"I do love you, but I also love to sleep..."
"I'll massage you first this time!"
"... I'd rather you just ... didn't."
(A very awkward silence passed between us while the blonde bimbo in me digested what he was saying.)
"What? You ... do ... want ... me ... to rub you? What does that MEAN!"
"Babe... you just aren't the best at..."
"YOU DON'T LIKE MY MASSAGES!"

He cut me deep. Real deep. What a revelation to declare three years later! My little smokey fingers apparently weren't and have never cut his muscles' mustard. Why didn't he tell me that my attempts at rubbin' his aching back were about as pleasant as a getting repeatedly kicked in the crotch biscuits by a tiny shoe?

I was crushed for 3.6 seconds until I realized . . . our massage game just got way more enjoyable for me. ;) (Silver lining, folks.)

26 comments:

Nagehan said...

Hahaha! Aw :) xo

Sarah Lillian said...

Oh we play that game too. Although I have tendonitis problems and the doctor said I need regular massages. My poor husband can't say no, the doctor said so :)

Yesi said...

lmfao!!! This is hilarious!

Taylor LeMay said...

Haha, you have to see the Friends episode where Chandler says he hates Monica's massages :) I wish my husband hated mine :(

Kalen said...

This reminds me of the Friends episode where Monica gives Chandler a horrible massage!

Sara Norton-Sanner said...

My husband and I play the massage game too! And Sarah..I have tendonitis. I could so say that it's a requirement as well ;)

Kelsey Eaton said...

Hahaha oh no! I finally revealed that my husband wasn't the best at massages and then I taught him what to do and now he is amazing! So glad I spoke up quickly haha

Lauren said...

haha! love this! we used to play the massage game...before we were married! and now it' just me begging for a quick shoulder rub, they just don't seem to have the same effect as they did before we were married! ha!

Amy - Louise said...

Haha I love this! You've got such a good deal now! I have a medical reason to need regular massages and my joints are so bad that I can't give them back to my boyfriend! Always silver linings!! :)

julia rose. said...

Hahahaha ya'll kill me. This really is going to work out in your favor though ;)

Amy said...

silver lining is right!!!

Rachael said...

Haha don't feel bad, my boyfriend doesn't like my massages either. He says he can barely feel my fingers, even though I'm digging them in as hard as i can! This cracked me up. :)

Staci said...

I intentionally give Taylor the shittiest massages possible in hopes he will stop asking for them. Because he always waits until I am nice & snuggled & alllmost asleep to be like "baby...baby. Please jsut rub my back for a minute. PLeeeaseeee. Please please please" Consider yourself very lucky!

Janna Brandon said...

Hahaha, this was awesome. Always look for the good in the bad!

Becca Moss said...

Oh gosh, this was funny! Silver lining, indeed.

Denise said...

hahaha way to optimistic about it :)

Amie said...

SCORE!!! ;)

http://herestohappinesses.blogspot.com/

Karla said...

You are awesome. Haha. Totally loved reading this. You crack me up every time!
=)

Jaime Hungry said...

Haha! I had the opposite problem with my ex-boyfriend. He gave the WORST massages, no matter how much coaching I gave him he just didn't get it. Eventually I gave up and let him have the best of both worlds.

Ashley from The Kitchen-Sink Chronicles said...

Awwww! At least he loves you enough to pretend! Haha.

Jessica said...

haha sounds exactly like mine & my husbands massages. My hands get tired after like 2 minutes of rubbing his ridiculously muscular back.

Tara said...

You crack me up! Thanks for the Tuesday laughs ;)

Lauren said...

So funny! You are right, So awesome for you!

Sam said...

You're so lucky he'll massage you for 30 minutes!! My boyfriend makes me do all the massaging and scratching his back

jessica renee said...

You are so foul and I love it. I am busting up laughing over here at the Samoas line. I guess that shows you my sense of humor too ;)

And hi by the way! Someone tweeted about you and the Voice and I saw that you were in SA and I had to say hi - I'm in SA too!

Lauren said...

Haha it sounds like you had a Chandler/ Monica (Friends) moment. "You give the best worst massages".

My husband and I play that game too, but it's reversed. I get a three min rub, he gets like 30+. But every once in while he springs for a professional one for me. Win!