Friday, December 14, 2012

the ache in our hearts

source
I'm heartbroken for Newton, CT and the small school of Sandy Hook. It's overwhelming, really. I found myself physically shaking while watching clips of news segments and Obama's touching speech. How awful. How gut-wrenching. How absolutely terrifying.

My mind whirls with so many thoughts: sin, darkness, children's screams, my teacher friends, unopened Christmas presents, empty desks, confused siblings, mournful parents, lostness, brokenness, hurt. It's incomprehensible.

Here I am safe and sound in Texas, and yet I find myself angry with God. How did You let this happen? Why are innocent people, young children no less, being killed? Where were you, God? Why didn't you stop him?

Some will blame a lack of/too much gun control, insufficient mental health care, poor school security, and, of course, a psychotic gunman with emotional instability. These may be true. But they do not still our anxious, questioning hearts. We still have hurt; we still have questions; we still want to know why.

We live in a broken, sinful world filled with people just like Adam Lanza, people just like me. Yes, he did the most heinous crime imaginable. Yes, he will forever be remembered as a mass murderer who stole the lives of so many young people.

But friends, without Jesus, we are all just as lost, crazy, and depraved as Adam. We are all just as capable of such despicable crimes. Our God does not love us because we haven't shot someone. He doesn't love us because we're good people. He love us in spite of our sinful selves. Jesus is our only hope, the only Savior who can turn our wayward, ugly hearts toward Him. The only one who can heal the ache in our hearts.

There are no words of comfort any of us can offer those families today. I wish there were. I wish we could take away the pain for them. We will never know why such a tragic event happened today, but we can trust that His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. We can trust that He is with those families, that He didn't abandon those children in the school, that He has a purpose in suffering no matter how absurd that seems to us.

This day, as my friend so clearly put it, makes me long for heaven--to be free from this broken world.

18 comments:

Kaity said...

I am such a mixed bag of emotions today. Thank you for putting this into words, far better than I could ever hope to.

Melissa Knott said...

very well written, Jena...

Helene said...

thanks for sharing Jena. so sad.

KrystennMarie said...

Very well written. My heart hurts as well. Thank you for sharing.

Rae Wright said...

I don't blame God for this happening I blame the person who did as he had free will. It is very sad and I cried, not once did I get angry with God as He did not cause this, a human being did it out of his own own free will.
Please don't be angry with God. He can heal this land and heal those of us, who are hurting over this.

Nagehan said...

Although, Jesus is not my savior, I do agree with all of this. Very heartbroken.

Carlee said...

There have been so many times in the last few years where I've thought, "I just want to go home..." And I don't mean my house. Days like today make me long for heaven like I never have before.

Thanks for writing this post. Very well said.

Mgmt., The Park Ave. Pub said...

All of us are hurting today, even those that don't believe in the Christian god. They also have a lot of questions. Thank you for your words.

Laurie @ The Rookie Wife said...

I agree with you. I think the world is ending in different ways, not by events caused by mother nature but by events caused by the human race. Every day I hear news that breaks my heart. Murders & Robbery. It makes me nervous to bring yet another child into such a cruel hard place. Some people say I'm over protective with my son. That's only because I love him way to much to let something horrible happen to him. So he's embarrassed I don't let him walk around the mall by himself with his friends? I really don't care. I care about his safety it's sad that we have to live this way. There really are no words to describe such cruelty.

Allison said...

My heart hurts too...it's just so hard to comprehend, but your words say it all. Look up Max Lucado's prayer about this. It is amazing!

Kelley Gilster said...

I believe that God is mourning with us all today, heartbroken that his creation would cause such pain & evil in his once perfect world. Sin is a horrible thing.

Annie said...

I am so glad you wrote this post today, because I wrote a similar one (which will post later this morning) saying pretty much the same thing, and i was a little worried i might get some backlash and be misunderstood! i can't imagine what evil occurred in CT and yet i know, were any numbers of things different in my life, it might have been me with a gun in my hand. so i agree: the school shooting was a terrible, incomprehensible act. but i don't think we need to crucify the shooter with our words to make that clear.

Michelle said...

Amen. AMEN! We need Jesus. This world needs Jesus. I have to keep reminding myself that Jesus is in Heaven, rocking and holding those sweet babies who lost their lives.

Bon Bon said...

yes. yes. yes.

schupack said...

And in my best behavior/I am really just like him/Look beneath the floor
boards /For the secrets I have hid
- "John Wayne Gacy Jr" by Sufjan Stevens

Victoria said...

Thank you, Jena. I heard this yesterday and you made it hurt a bit less knowing that God is watching over us.

Mrs. Pancakes said...

It's just one of the saddest things ever!!

Holly said...

Beautiful, Jena. Thank you.