Listen. I've been living with a boy for over six months now. (Applause, applause.) Let me tell you, it's no picnic. Besides the fact that Grahm is freakin' adorable, puts up with all my shenanigans (like moaning and groaning last night about making dinner until he finally had to cook), and makes life altogether wonderful... men are gross. With a capitol GR.
I have a brother, a dad (don't we all?), and a husband so these things aren't exactly comin' out of my Coach purse. These are documented observations. Research, if you will. This doesn't mean I don't love them, it just means.... ew.
1. Hair. Next to a wild herd (fleet?) of gorillas, men are the hairiest creatures. For real. It's everywhere! Their toes. Their pits. Their rumps. Their chests. Their backs. I just physically don't understand how that's possible. Granted us ladies shave, but EVEN if we didn't... I wouldn't have such unruly bristles sprouting up every which way. My mom says Gram is only going to get worse over time (except on his actual head) ... Joy.
2. Towel/Sheets. I think if it were up to men, these items would never get washed. I mean, seriously. Grahm would be hunky-dorey-A-okay if he used the same towel to dry off in the morning for weeks. "It's clean, babe. I'm clean when I use it." No, no, noooo. Same goes for sheets. I asked him once if he ever washed his sheets when he was in college. Mistake. Apparently, once or twice a year is good enough. Can you imagine wearing the same underwear every day for a year and only washing them when it fancies ya? It's the same thing... basically. Maybe I should send my little brother some new sheets, just in case he follows in his hygiene-questionable brother-in-law's footsteps.
3. Poop time. Why is this such a treat? You'd think they were getting massaged in there or something by how long they always drag the process out. I mean, what in the world takes so long? My dad does the crossword in there. Grahm does his best "thinking" time on his "throne." I can think of so many more comfortable places in our house to do those things. They also don't involve dropping your drawers... or anything else. ;)
There are millions more things that I'll probably never understand about the other gender. If I ever start to "get it," somebody save me. For writing this post, I'm sure the Lord is going to "Bless" my loins with an abundance of boys. Though I may not be able to stop hair from growing everywhere or shorten their poop sessions, my children WILL have fresh towels and sheets. I'm just sayin'.